When we enter into a relationship, whether it is romantic
or platonic, we are essentially drawn to the person we perceive and experience. These are two very important principles
because sometimes the person we ‘see’ is not the person we experience. However,
when they both match, we generally feel comfortable to invest our time and
energy into those relationships. Relationships
require regular review because people change; we change mentally,
emotionally and physically. Any change in these areas is going to change your
relational experience. But have you lost sight of who the person you love has
become?
Evolution
In a relationship, situations cause people to change but
perhaps a better definition is adaptation. We adapt to becoming parents,
getting older, changing careers etc. What is important is that you try to remain updated with the person you care.
Evolution can be generally defined as a consistent process of change into
something better. Remember, the core of who they are remains the same. These
are what I call ‘core personal qualities’. These are qualities like being
caring, sensitive, transparent and committed. But people change in how they
demonstrate these core qualities and what they consider to be major or minor in
their lives. It is possible that through evolution your relationship can become
stronger rather than stranger!
Prejudgment
When the experience of a relationship begins to change, don’t
automatically assume it is due to a lack of love. Often it is due to a lack of understanding. When we are
evolving it can be difficult to articulate what we feel or to understand how
best to rearrange our emotional diary. By way of example, when a woman becomes
a mother, she will need to adapt and
evolve. Her ‘emotional diary’ now needs to factor in her child, her
husband, siblings and friends. Evolution doesn’t need to equal neglect or pride
but it will require partnership and investigation.
Make
a decision to grow together
Who is a stranger? Usually it is someone who you have not
met before or are unfamiliar with. Are
you in love with someone you don’t really know? Make a decision to be part of their
life changes. Ask questions and
perhaps even do your own research in order to demonstrate your willingness to
be part of the process. By way of example, when a friend goes through menopause,
they may need people around them who can support them in the transition. When a
man loses his job, he may need someone to understand his new perspective on
life. When a friend experiences success, they will need people to understand
why their expectations have changed.
Caught
in your tailwind?
Have you ever considered that your personal changes can
trigger changes in those around you? A tailwind happens when an object moves in
a particular direction and causes things
around it to follow suit. The changes you see in the people you love may
have started because of your changes. But it is possible that these changes can
be positive and if patient, you will see your relationships develop into stronger
ones. If the changes are negative, you will see a decline in core qualities.
Enjoy your relationships but don’t allow people you love
to become strangers.
Till next time
Noel McLean
www.relationshipsmot.blogspot.com
www.destinyempowermentservices.com
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