Why doesn't the person I love believe what I say?

There are various forms of communication. Communication can be verbal (speaking, hearing) and non-verbal (written, visual). According to educationist Dales’ cone of experience (often referred to as the learning pyramid), people generally remember only 10% of what they read but 50% of what they see and hear. What does this mean for relationships?

This means that the most consistent form of communication within a relationship is based on what people 'see' you doing and what people 'hear' you say. I call these experiences the 'communication twins'. Problems normally arise in relationships from a lack of parity between what we communicate and what we actually do. Your communication is never divorced from the evidence your behaviour provides.The reality is, we have all fallen short in maintaining this parity but how can we change the opinion of someone we love, who has a history of us 'missing the mark?'

Unfortunately, there is no 'quick' fix in convincing someone that you have changed or that you now 'mean' what you say. In fact, it is not always the case that a person did not mean what they said or lied, at times they simply lack the discipline or wisdom to action what they meant. Psychologists tell us that as humans we learn by association and develop personal semantics. This means we can create positive or negative associations with words and people. However, the biggest tool to transformation is consistency. As humans, our foremost skills are learnt and developed by consistency and repetetition.  There are times whilst writing a teaching program, that I need to do a etmylogy on a word. I very rarely acess one source, I check if the history and meaning of the word is consistent in the various sources I have checked.Once the evidence is overwhelming, I am convinced of my findings.You will have to be consistent in your speaking and actions in order for your partner to break the negative associations they have with your communication and be open to you writing a new history in your relationship.