DO I CELEBRATE WHAT I HAVE?

I am a great believer in personal growth and development. It is healthy to assess your life and relationships on a regular basis. However, there is a danger that we can develop an attitude of continual discontentment because we have never spent time celebrating what we have achieved. I remember listening to a retired footballer. He had an exceptional career but bemoaned the fact that when he achieved, he never truly celebrated his success because he was always thinking about the next challenge. Your relationships will be greatly enriched, if you learn to celebrate progress. The following are some tips.

Create discussions not disciplinary meetings

If you are someone that summons your loved one to a meeting to talk about what you are concerned about, it is unlikely that long-term, those in relationship with you will gravitate towards such meetings.  I remember a husband saying to me, “When my wife says, she wants a meeting when I come home, I know it is to complain about something!” Be careful not to create a culture where others make an association between discussion and discipline. Learn to create discussions where the epicentre is praise and gratitude.

 Be aware of perfectionism

There is nothing wrong in trying to have the best relationship possible but we have to be mindful of the context we define it as being ‘best’ in. I have seen where couples have had to manage major life changes, parent children, run a home but not demonstrate growth in their communication. They may not have achieved quantifiable gains in their communication but their relationship is in the ‘best’ possible place, given the context. From a psychological perspective, perfectionism can be positive and negative. If you have an adaptive nature, then you will adjust your ideals to accommodate others and in many cases, inspire others to succeed. However, perfectionism can become maladaptive, constantly pressuring individuals to meet unrealistic standards.
 

This progress won't last

This is one of the most destructive ‘scripts’ to hold in a relationship because subconsciously, you are anticipating a  counter-reality  or demonstrating mistrust in someone’s actions. There are times, due to previous relational experiences, we mistrust genuine acts of kindness or attempts by someone to change their behaviour. Being cynical, is the idea that the motivation behind a person’s actions, are not genuine.

 Time to celebrate

In the famous Charles Dickens’ novel, Oliver, one of the most famous scenes, is of a young pauper asking the master, “please sir can I have some more?” We will inspire more growth in our relationships through celebration rather than criticism. We all want more but let us learn to celebrate what we already have!